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Jokes
20-09-2011, 04:00 PM (This post was last modified: 14-05-2014 05:27 PM by Len.)
Post: #51
RE: Jokes
Twitting people's wisdom about Lottomoney....and related subjects Icon_biggrin

Part 1


ou know it.. Might put money in a pot every time I feel to do lotto an see how much I save lol
it really freaks me out when I go onto a website and the ads seem to knwo the type of things I like to bu.

Just won $20 in the lottery...clearly today is my lucky day, guys.

Ooo... I just got an e-mail... I won the Canada lottery! Funny thing, I don't remember buying a ticket!

Just found $7 in the pocket of some jeans I haven't worn in awhile, you would swear I won the lottery...lol

yes , yes , yes that`s what i just heard the Neighbours shouted either they won the lottery or her ovaries have been fertilized

I love the emails from the National Lottery informing me that I have won, 3 weeks in a row, probably another 10.

I won a tidy sum on the lottery and gave my homeless brother a new home. It was the box from my new 65" TV


So I won 15.52 yesterday on the horses (i never do the horses) and I won a tenner on the lottery. I'm on a roll

Hurrah! Hurrah! What a great start to the week. Text informs me I have won the UK lottery! No more bosses. Just send bank account. It's 01..
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22-09-2011, 01:36 PM (This post was last modified: 14-05-2014 05:28 PM by Len.)
Post: #52
RE: Jokes
Part 2


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If I win the lotto I'mma be like one of those black rappers who spend money for no reason. Gold teeth, diamonds and b!tches. That is all.
I hope & pray I hit the lotto this weekend cuz ima need all the money I can get!
Kills me when ppl with money hit the lotto smh
I hate tradin my time 4 money... Can I jus hit da Lotto
I disagree with the Lotto ads. Building up hope, taking our money, giving it to other people. We don't need 2 governments.
Is it wrong of me that if I won the lotto I wouldn't send my "parents" a penny but would send Chris's parents money?
This chick jus walkin down the road an pickin her nose like she scratching for lotto money...
.so much money like we own the lotto

Fat girls on Facebook all love calling themselves barbies. Hell no, b*tch you're a Carebear..
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks "olive or twist?".
There are two rules when in a relationship. 1 : The woman is always right. 2. When in doubt refer to rule # 1
This is Twitter not SEX. Unprotect your tweets...
.............
Dedication, hardwork and intelligence lol U take that chance n good luck ama jus sit here and wait 4 dat lotto money *shrugs*
.............
Bored of being so skint that you work a sat night til 3:30am whilst full of cold feeling like crap! Come on lotto be a friend give me money!

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15-10-2011, 03:51 PM
Post: #53
RE: Jokes
Hi,here one very sweet:

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window:

- I want to open a damn checking account.

To which the astonished woman replies:

- I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you.
What did you say?

- Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking
account right now!

- I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language
in this bank.

So saying, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation. They both return and
the manager asks the old geezer:

- What seems to be the problem here?

- There's no friggin problem, dammit! the man says, I just won
$50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn
checking account in this damn bank!

- I see, says the manager, and this damn woman is giving you a hard time?

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27-11-2011, 06:29 PM (This post was last modified: 14-05-2014 05:29 PM by Len.)
Post: #54
RE: Jokes
Hi ,here two short ones:


"Tell me, doctor, how long will I live?

You see,it's difficult to say, but if I were you I wouldn't
start watching any TV serials"

.....................................

A man of eighty visited his doctor.
I'm going to be married next week,doctor.
Very good, said the doctor. How old is your lady friend?
Eighteen, replied the man.
My goodness! said the doctor. I should warn you that any activity in bed could be fatal.
Well, said the man. If she dies, she dies. Icon_wink
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13-12-2011, 04:21 PM (This post was last modified: 14-05-2014 05:29 PM by Len.)
Post: #55
RE: Jokes
Hi,this "small idiot" made me fell in love with it:


A primary school teacher was sitting on a bus.

She was fairly sure that she recognised the man
opposite her.

Excuse me, she said, but are you the father
of one of my children?

Rotflol Rotflol Rotflol
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05-04-2012, 10:01 AM
Post: #56
RE: Jokes
Hi,
I,ve met this in an evidently sincere discussion
between the forum members of other lottery site
but seen the comic element it surely may be
considered a "thrue story based" joke:

"...Used to play in a syndicate at work with our clerk buying the tickets. She seems very happy that her husband was winning frequently while she shows tickets the next day after the draw as she's "too busy". No one tells her off but she keeps on asking nowadays why no one is paying in the syndicate. Cheeky!!!.......""

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07-09-2012, 06:26 PM
Post: #57
RE: Jokes
After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.

In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it.

Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.

'How 'bout that! he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of my Fadder.' He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the
way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go
there and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed,

'So that's the ugly bitch he's running around with.'
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18-12-2019, 12:29 PM
Post: #58
RE: Jokes
I’ve just seen in the newspaper “ mosquito nets £30”.


I didn’t even know that they played Lotto!
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18-12-2019, 07:28 PM
Post: #59
RE: Jokes
A Man goes to his local news paper to place an ad
he said how much is it?
The man replied a £1 an inch.
Christ the man said, I've got a 40ft ladder for sale.
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19-12-2019, 11:42 AM
Post: #60
RE: Jokes
Police today announced that a truckload of wicker food baskets filled with Christmas goodies has overturned on the M62 causing long delays.
Police say recovery efforts have been hampered.
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