Jokes - Printable Version

+- LottoPost (
+-- Forum: Community (/forumdisplay.php?fid=35)
+--- Forum: Chat Cafe (/forumdisplay.php?fid=34)
+--- Thread: Jokes (/showthread.php?tid=208)

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Jokes - Len - 29-03-2008 11:26 AM

Please post any good jokes here in this thread.

RE: Jokes - ecneps - 30-03-2008 06:00 PM

a drunk phoned alcoholics anonymous"is that AA"?,asked the drunk,"yes", said the switchboard girl."Would you like to join"?
"no" said the drunk " I'd like to resign".

two drunks were sittin at a bar.One said " What's this thing they call a breathalyser?"The other drunk said " Its a bag that can tell you how much you drink" "Oh" said the first drunk "I married one of those things years ago".

RE: Jokes - Len - 31-03-2008 08:29 AM

A Policeman stopped me, and said, can I have your name please!!!
I replyed No! What am I going to use?

RE: Jokes - ecneps - 31-03-2008 02:19 PM

A man walked into a psychiatrist's office witha pancake on his head ,A fried egg on each shoulder and a piece of bacon over each ear
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the psychiatrist.The man said "I'm worried about my brother".

A patient told his doctor " these pills you gave are great,but the problem is ,They make me walk like a crab "yes" said the doctor 'those will be the side effects'.

A woman with fourteen children ,aged between one and fourteen decided to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion
"When did he desert you?",Asked the judge "Thirteen years ago" she answered ,The jude was baffled.If he left thirteen years ago,were did all the children come from
"He kept coming back to say he was sorry"

A balding man went into a barber's shop,and asked how much it would be for a haircut "Twenty five pounds" said the barber
"Twenty five pounds, thats outrageous" said the man, "I've hardly got any hair ,How can it be that expensive?"
The barber explained "It's five pounds for the actual cut,and twenty pounds for the search fee".

A policeman stopped a drunk wandering through the streets at five o'clock in the morning,The policeman said " Can you explain why you are out at this hour?" The drunk replied " If I could I'd be home by now!".

A man walked into a doctor's office with a lettuce leaf sticking out of his ear,The doctor said "Hmmmmm ,thats strange ,The man said "That's just the tip of the iceburg!"


A father said "Would you like any help with your homework son?" 'No thanks, I'd rather get it wrong by myself'

RE: Jokes - ecneps - 31-03-2008 03:18 PM

Why doesn't tarzan have a beard?
If swimming's such good exercise why are whales so fat?
If all the nations in the world are in debt ,Where did all the money go?
Why is the time of day with slowest trafffic called rush hour?
Why do people order a double cheeseburger,large helping of chips and a diet coke?

couple more

Wife say's "when we got married you said we had an ocean going yacht?" husband "just shut up and row"

Husband say's put your coat on I'm going to the pub
wife "Are you taking me out for a drink?"
Husband "don't be silly woman I'm turning the heating off

A man was married to the worst cook in the world one evening he came home from work to find her in a flood of tears
"It's a disaster" she said "The cat's eaten your dinner" "Never mind" said the husband "I'll buy you a new cat"

RE: Jokes - Len - 02-04-2008 12:24 PM

A Nigerian Boxer who lost both his legs in a car accident
has just made Boxing history by winning ten fight's in a row,
without de-feet.

RE: Jokes - Frank - 02-04-2008 03:20 PM

ROFL , love it !

RE: Jokes - Len - 03-04-2008 03:37 PM

Frank Wrote:ROFL , love it !

Hi Frank
Yep, I liked that one too Mate!
Ha! Ha! Ha!

RE: Jokes - Len - 03-04-2008 06:39 PM

A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:

RE: Jokes - ecneps - 04-04-2008 03:23 PM

Vincent Van Gogh walked into a pub
The barman said " would you like a drink?" Van Gogh said "No thanks,I've got one 'ere'

Shakespeare waked into a pub and asked for a beer"I can't serve you said the barman ," your Bard"